What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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