i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
