I got chris browned last night
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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