Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize