I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
