I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
