Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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