A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am available for nakedness
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
