So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
