Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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