terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
