weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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