i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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