I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
