you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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