I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
