I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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