dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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