ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
