He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
