Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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