the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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