How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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