my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
