I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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