why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
