Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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