i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
