what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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