Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was like eating out sand paper
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
