my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize