I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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