now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
