Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
