sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
