he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
