He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
