If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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