PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
