i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
