If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
