just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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