My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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