i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
