i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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