there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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