My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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