Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
