So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
