Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
