ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
