You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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