this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
