I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
