I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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