So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize