So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
