I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
