are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
