You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
