I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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