Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
