This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
