Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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