Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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