Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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