i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
