At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize