Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
