oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize