i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
