is your mom at the bar?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
