she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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