No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
