Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
