My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
