i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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