..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
