am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
