the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
