He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
